By: Carrie E, mother of Paislee
Trials come to all of us, but there are some who seem to share much harder trials. Brandon and I were given our very first child on August 26, 2015, a daughter that we named Paislee. Paislee was found to have contracted a virus in utero. There are many viruses and illnesses which can pass through the placenta to the baby. Cytomegalovirus is the virus that Paislee contracted inside the womb. The virus is known to cause severe neurological damage. Paislee contracted the virus within my first trimester of pregnancy which caused abnormal brain development.
The first couple of months of Paislee’s life was a complete blur. It was full of fear, tears and lots of unknowns. I was incredibly angry and bitter, upset and overwhelmed. It was not the way I had always dreamt it would be. But one thing I knew for sure. Heavenly Father, for some reason, trusted me with this amazing baby girl. And though I feel completely inadequate, I am her mother. I may not do the best job or always have a smile, but I know I will love her more than anyone ever will.
Though Paislee has abnormal brain development she has developed her own unique way of communication. We’ve had slow progress, but we are super thankful for any new progress. She has endured many visits and procedures at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. Countless MRIs, ABRs, and most recently PEG tube placement surgery. Paislee’s diagnosis consists of cCMV, Hypotonia, Encephalopathy, Global Development Delay, Microcephaly, Epilepsy, insomnia, Spastic Quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy, Mild Conductive hearing loss, Polymicrogyria, and the list will most likely only continue to grow.
Most of our days are spent at therapy. Those ladies have changed our lives tremendously. They have not only taken care of my girl, but also taken care of me when I’ve just needed my own personal therapist. I could never thank them enough for all that they’ve provided for us since 2015.
Paislee has truly changed our world, one that I could have never even begun to understand before her. She has taught us about love, life and enjoying the simple things.
My love for her is so fierce that at times it scares me. Because if I can love this much, I can hurt this much. She is the light of my life. She can throw fits and make you want to pull your hair out, but she can also flash a ‘cheesier’ smile that makes any sadness or worry disappear.
Paislee’s future is unknown, an empty canvas. I want to paint it with love and hope and not bitterness and fear. I love this girl so much, and wherever I go I will proudly say “She’s With Me”.